As the light faded on a Wednesday evening last summer, I took a few self-portraits. I played with different angles and looks into the camera as the timer beeped. There was even a moment of laughter as I began to simply have fun. But then when I looked through the photos on the camera, I was so distracted by my arms and my tired eyes and...how the list goes on. So I put my camera straight in front of me, closed my eyes, and focused on filling my whole body with love and compassion. I took several breaths just imagining this compassion and love moving throughout my body. Then, while the timer beeped, I looked into the camera imagining I was looking at someone with only love (imagining the look my heart needed in that moment). 

Later, when I looked through the photos, I noticed that my thoughts were softer. I saw beauty and a woman taking the time to just be in her life. I saw truth and realness and some wild, maybe even gorgeous, hair. And then I came to this photo and saw a woman choosing to love herself.

Interesting how all the other stuff melts away when you let love fill the cracks.

Try it. 

I dare you. 

*

Liz Lamoreux is a retreat host, teacher, author of Inner Excavation: Explore Your Self Through Photography, Poetry, and Mixed Media, and the artist behind the shop Soul Mantras and Other Stories. She believes that we heal each time we unearth our stories and share them through creativity and in community. And in this moment, she is probably singing in her studio as she listens to Paul Simon’s Graceland album and her one-year-old daughter plays with books and fabric scraps beside her, or maybe she is practicing what she teaches and they are both taking a nap.

Prompted by a wedding I was photographing to witness new love, celebrating my own wedding anniversary of ten years and feeling a bit swirly in my own identity aside from being a wife and mother, I decided to commit to loving myself madly and deeply for the rest of this life by way of similar ceremony.

For me it was a way to honor my true self in the same way I honor those I also have commitments to in my life: namely my husband and my children.

So in November of 2011 I drove up the California coast to Cambria for a solo weekend to create and celebrate my own commitment ceremony to myself 

What I discovered with this ceremony, as with any ceremony, is that it became much more than words that were said. Planning out a ceremony of agreements to myself, much in the same way I did with the wedding to my husband, made it very real and powerful.

I feel these sacred commitments to myself deeply and I witness myself able to show up for my life in ways that I struggled with before. I knew afterward that there was no going back to old habits and negative ways of thinking.

The vows I made to myself are ones that I truly honor and ones I will celebrate each year on my anniversary which I plan to celebrate each year on the California coast.

When I shared with my sister circle that I was creating this self love ceremony of agreements, one sent me this David Whyte poem. I read it to the sea at my agreements ceremony and it pretty much sums up self love for me.

All the true vows 

All the true vows

are secret vows

the ones we speak out loud

are the ones we break.

There is only one life

you can call your own

and a thousand others

you can call by any name you want.

Hold to the truth you make

every day with your own body,

don't turn your face away.

Hold to your own truth

at the center of the image

you were born with.

Those who do not understand

their destiny will never understand

the friends they have made

nor the work they have chosen

nor the one life that waits

beyond all the others.

By the lake in the wood

in the shadows

you can

whisper that truth

to the quiet reflection

you see in the water.

Whatever you hear from

the water, remember,

it wants you to carry

the sound of its truth on your lips.

Remember,

in this place

no one can hear you

and out of the silence

you can make a promise

it will kill you to break,

that way you'll find

what is real and what is not.

I know what I am saying.

Time almost forsook me

and I looked again.

Seeing my reflection

I broke a promise

and spoke

for the first time

after all these years

in my own voice,

before it was too late

to turn my face again.

Wedding Guests

Where my ceremony took place - Moonstone Beach

Me after my ceremony, madly in love

Photo by Viv

The Self-Love of No 

Sometimes the most loving thing we can do for ourselves is to say no to others. I find this excruciatingly hard, but I’m learning more and more of the short and long term benefits.

Saying no to a night of wine with friends so I can sleep off a cold. I love my friends and I gather such strength from being in their company, but last night my bed was beckoning and I can tell today that the time for myself was priceless in combatting this illness. Come to think of it, my friends are probably thankful I kept my germs to myself.

Saying no to an afternoon of work when my house was in desperate need of vacuuming and laundry doing. The cash is nice to have but with four kids, a dog and two cats the housework can quickly overtake me. Sacrificing the money for the peace of mind of a clean house was priceless.

When the calendar is full and we haven’t sat down together as a family in days, it’s nice to say no occasionally to school functions or extracurricular activities. The kids get to play, we eat together and play board games. Just being together is reward enough in knowing we made the right decision to forego the hectic schedule in favor of us time. 

I am not one who says no easily. I am often overscheduled and frequently double booked. Taking some time to think through what saying yes will mean has allowed me to say no with more confidence and it has made all the difference in my life.

 *

Amy Blum is the co-founder of Live it to the Full. She graduated with a BA in English from the University of Colorado at Denver, worked in magazine publishing with Colorado Homes and Lifestyles Magazine, has worked as a freelance writer and editor for nearly twenty years, wrote a series of articles on organic gardening for Examiner.com and has been blogging personally and professionally since 2005. 

She lives in Denver, Colorado with the love of her life and their blended family of four boy children (2 of hers & 2 of his) a wild-eyed Australian Sheppard and two Hemingway cats. Her hobbies include gardening, knitting, art journaling, long walks in and around her neighborhood, date nights, and entertaining friends and family.

When Viv asked me to contribute a segment on self-care, my mind floated away to the land of lofty ideas, like taking a vacation, going on a fancy dinner date, etc. The more I thought, the more I realized that self-care is really a daily act of self-love. It is present in everything we do and in everything we think. I believe that it is actually a mindset. We need love to survive, and with it, we not only survive, we thrive! If we make self-love and self-care a priority each and every day, we have the potential to feel our wholeness and give to both ourselves and others in meaningful, healthy, and nurturing ways.

Self-love is directly tied to self-care and the finding of happiness. I do want to point out that we shouldn't confuse the act of self-care with being selfish, as there is a distinct difference between the two. I believe that we as a people are evolving and have come a long way in our thinking about this, however, the notion that self-care is selfish still very much exists in our culture. How many times have women (especially caregivers) heard, “Who does she think she is?” or “She's so selfish putting her needs before her family.” etc. – sometimes we may even hear those words in our own head – socialization is a powerful thing. The distinct difference is that selfish behavior is something done at the expense of others and is hurtful to others. Self-love involves consideration of both the person herself and the people she loves – there is a balance there. Living a life is about giving to oneself and to others. If we don't give to ourselves, how else can we expect to grow and learn and feel whole? How else can we expect to give to others?

So, let's get happy! Here are a few things that I try to do in practicing the art of self-love and self-care. I'm actually excited about sharing these ideas with you, as they will make a great list for me to adhere to daily, especially on those days when I don't feel good or strong inside.

Do what you love and share it

When we are doing what we love, we are doing what we are meant to be doing here on this earth, and part of doing what we love should involve sharing it, to bring something positive and good to others. This kind of sharing can multiply exponentially and have far-reaching, positive outcomes that you are not even aware of. For me, I need to create something each and every day. If I don't, I start to feel 'off', antsy, and sometimes even depressed. I create in the form of photography, digital art, posting to my blog, writing, creating online Photoshop classes, gardening, cooking and baking, playing my flute, and making crafts. I enjoy sharing through outlets like my online Photoshop classes, authoring books, taking photographs for families, feeding my family, and teaching art classes through my children's school enrichment program.

Delight in simple indulgences

It's very important to pamper yourself – you know, Calgon baths, rich chocolate take-me-aways and all. For sure! So, what are your little pleasures? Here are some of mine:

chocolate stash, Jamaica Me Crazy coffee, tea made from my very own dried herbs, taking a different route home, The Nate Berkus Show (love his energy and the way he gives and interacts with people), cuddling with the family (including the cat), sitting in front of the woodstove watching the fire (during wintry months of course), listening to my playlists on Spotify, scented candles, sipping wine, enjoying the photography of Sarah Moon, and blog surfing – there are way too many blogs I adore to name here, but just to give you a taste:

Irene Suchocki

Kinfolk

Reading My Tea Leaves

Bluebirdbaby

Transform routines into something special

Day-in, day-out routines and chores are a part of everyday life, so why not turn them into something that you look forward to as opposed to something that you dislike or even dread. Here are a few things I do to get through the daily grind with a smile smeared across my face:

• Cleaning up after dinner has become a regular American Bandstand around here. For those of you who don't remember that show hosted by Dick Clark, let me fill you in. Dance like you are on your own little stage in the air!:) Sing, twirl, and git down while you all clear the table and wash them dishes.


• Cook and eat what you love! I especially enjoy making dishes with food that we have preserved from our garden's harvest – they are like golden tastes of summer during the sometimes harsh Maine winter. Here is a link to one of my latest culinary creations.


• Take a shower with your favorite bar of scented soap. I love Dr. Bronner's peppermint soap!


• Pick up a small treat for yourself while doing the regular grocery shop – perhaps gift yourself with some flowers. I am quite satisfied by a couple milk-chocolate Lindt balls which are conveniently available at the check-out.

Relax your body

What do you do to relax? It's important to incorporate a form(s) of relaxation into your daily life, for both the sake of your emotional state and your physical health. Here are a few things that I do:

• Hand-sew simple projects


• Take a walk – fortunately I have the Maine woods right outside my door, so this makes for invigorating, soul-soothing trips through the forest, as well as opportunities for nature and landscape photography.


• Massage. Either go get one, or have your partner give it to you (there are excellent books and online resources – Youtube is a great place to check out).


• Aromatherapy. It can be as simple as a scented candle or infused hot bath.

Get Healthy

Mind/ body/spirit connections are strong, and having a healthy body can foster both a healthy mind and spirit.

• We try to drink lots of water and eat plenty of fruits, veggies and whole grains in our home, choosing local organic vegetables whenever possible (we have our own garden and both summer and winter farm shares). We use healthy cooking oils like olive, canola, safflower, and coconut oils and follow a Mediterranean-style diet where we eat either fish or chicken about once a week, pork on occasion, and red meat a few times a year. We definitely indulge in heavier meals and desserts now and then – everything in moderation, right?


• Exercise. I get tired of the studies that show exercise is only beneficial if you do it X amount of times each week for X amount of minutes each time. These goals are often unattainable for your average person, who does not have that kind of time. I believe it is more important to do 10 minutes a day than nothing at all. Those 10 minutes will have you coming back for more and before you know it, you will be making it a priority to exercise more because it feels so good both physically and mentally. Although my family has a membership to our local Y, we have been finding ways to exercise more at home, in a way that naturally integrates with our lifestyle. My husband purchased some resistance bands that are great for doing strengthening and toning exercises together (plus you can make lots of jokes while you use them – just try and see:). Doing Just Dance for the Wii system with our kids is a nice cardio workout, plus we have fun family time together doing it! Although I don't take yoga classes anymore, I enjoy practicing what I have learned at home on my mat. And, there is always a hike through the woods ready to be had.

Give

If I am feeling depressed, the best thing I can do is get up off my tush and make an effort to help someone in need. Giving is an amazing cure for the blues and makes you feel so, so good inside. Some things I enjoy doing to get that high that only comes from giving:

• Teaching art classes to kids through a school enrichment/volunteer program


• Volunteering in my children's classrooms


• Reading to small groups of kids during their school lunchtime


• Visiting people in my community that may be lonely or in need of some connection and caring – I brought small gifts to these friends during the holidays to let them know that someone was thinking of them, loves them, and cares.

A few more ideas on self-care:

• Make time to connect with loved ones – family and/or friends. Make sure these are healthy connections – if someone makes you feel anything less than your best self, or brings out sides of you that you don't like, try to focus instead on relationships with people that make you feel and connect with your very best self.


• Practice positive self-talk and self-thoughts (this is HUGE). Replace negative self-talk with a positive, weed out/throw away anything that makes you feel 'less than', put sticky notes around the house that profess your deep love for yourself, etc. – you get my point – do what works for you.


• Have at least a few minutes of quiet/alone time with yourself each day.


• Have fun!

Bio: Susan Tuttle is a photographer, digital artist, author, and online Photoshop instructor living in rural Maine with her husband and two young children. She is the author of the books Digital Expressions: Creating Digital Art with Adobe® Photoshop® Elements (North Light Books, April 2010) and Exhibition 36: Mixed-Media Demonstrations and Explorations (North Light Books, November, 2008). She teaches online digital art and photo manipulation classes with Photoshop and is currently working on her third book, Snap, Click, Create: Creative Photography With Adobe Photoshop Elements and Mixed-Media Techniques, co-authored with photographer and mixed-media artist Chrysti Hydeck http://chrysti.squarespace.com/always-chrysti/, to be released in October, 2012.

There are times when eating properly, getting enough sleep and all of the other things I try to do to take care of myself isn't enough. Too often, it's the self-love, the time taken to be just me, Kristen, that gets pushed aside. I'm often the last person I take care of, (or think of), when time is at a crunch. 

I'm blessed to live a few short blocks from the sea, the one place that I can ground myself and set myself back to center. Even ten minutes is enough. As my feet sink into the sand, I take in the briny air and I feel myself relax; my pace settling in with the cadence of the waves as they break on shore. 

*

Kristen has a brand new photography website at: www.kristenperman.com and you can also connect with her via her flickr page and her blog: http://www.intheviolethour.com/

TRUTH or DARE: Have an Affair

You

With you

Only you

Beautiful you

Pour the wine

Light the candles

Soak in bubbles

For you

Only you

Sleep late

Masturbate

Cuss like a sailor

Cry like a baby

Moan like a lover

Sing out loud

Dance naked

Be proud

Of you

With you

Only you

Beautiful you

I DARE YOU…..

…the truth is

We blog about it

We talk about it

We hear about it

We all want it….
But are we doing it?

I AM TALKING ABOUT SELF CARE, SELF LOVE.

Honor your body

Romance your own heart

Flirt with yourself

Own self-worth

Did you breathe deeply, slowly, mindful this morning?

Or was that last week in Yoga session?

Did you nurture your body with a healthy breakfast?

Or eat in the car on way to work?

Did you buy those flowers for yourself you admired while standing in line at the grocery store?

Or are you waiting for someone else to bring them home?

Did you buy your girlfriend that Spa package for her birthday, wishing it could be

YOUR day?

I DARE YOU.

Buy it

Do it

You are the only one who knows what you need.

What you want

How long you want it for!

Come on…seduce your self

Dear Wild Women

you and me,

I DARE YOU

Have an affair

You deserve yourself!

smelling the warm worn grass of life,

dancing in the most inappropriate situations,

jumping until my legs turn to purple jelly,

playing ever so badly, 

twirling until i am dizzy with the colour of life,

visiting with friends that bring out my smile, *hi viv 

and if all else fails, reminding myself that i am worthy of a tiara and shhhhhh no one needs to know that its

plastic ;-)

and. love is always found at the root. xo

How to fall in love with you… the first date

To fall in love with ourselves we have to get to know ourselves first. I remember reading a quote somewhere that said a great marriage was one where the conversation never ended. This is what we want with ourselves: the conversation. The getting to-know-you part of the courtship. The intrigue, and then the honesty. One of my greatest healing tools has been my journal. Begun in 1984 when I was 11-years-old, I’ve unravelled the stories of my life into a collection of exercise books, binders and now beautiful Moleskine notebooks. But what I‘ve discovered over the years is that the act of keeping a journal isn’t enough to make you fall in love with you; there are many years of journal entries that I now consider superficial and surface, ramblings about my relationships or my neuroses about work or friends or some other thing that was occupying my outer world. And the key word here is occupying – I always managed to keep myself distracted by stuff other than me. Writing it all out in a stream of consciousness made room for deeper enquiry, but I just never went there out of fear, leaving me skimming along the surface for years, always at the mercy of the whims of others.

One of the gifts (and I feel comfortable using that word now) of my bereavement was the opportunity it gave me to dive below that surface while supported by my therapist. As I began to do the hard work of healing, I turned to my journal every day as a way to record the process and vent the hurts that were surfacing, in turn nurturing a richer and more honest relationship with the page. Not that I ever lied to myself – I just avoided looking at the Stuff. You know the Stuff? The issues I covered up with a bottle of wine; the feelings I swallowed down with a bar of chocolate; the worries I placated with a menthol cigarette. I read my journal back and marvel at how something that was supposed to be all about me was all about everyone else, and what they were doing and feeling. And how that was affecting me. External, external, external.

I sometimes wonder what would have become of me had I not endured such a devastating bereavement, but that thinking never gets me very far. This has been my experience, and the key to uncovering all I needed to heal. This can be translated and applied by starting an honest conversation with yourself. When we push ourselves to be honest, and not hide behind the distractions or fear, we can begin to see ourselves as we truly are and find a place of loving kindness to carry ourselves. So start with some quiet time alone – no phone, no internet, no television, no other people, just you and a notebook & pen – and make some conversation. Start with some small talk, then take it up a notch. These have been helping me lately:

1. There’s a life coach-y technique you can use, to get to the bottom of your feelings about a particular situation or person or memory. Ask yourself: ‘how do I feel about this?’ and write an answer. Then ask yourself again: ‘but how do I feel about this?’ And write another answer. Then do it again: ‘but how do I feel about this?’ and continue on in this way until you have asked and answered as far as you feel you can go. Often if I feel myself getting stuck when I’m writing an article, a blog post or a longer piece of prose, I start a new line with the words ‘But what I really want to say is…’ and then let rip. Either technique helps me cut through the surface clutter and into the real issue underneath.

2. Pull back from using your journal as a chronicle of the day’s events. Instead, chronicle your feelings from the day.

3. Keep checking in with your needs. When PMS strikes, I have a tendency to see everything through an overly-emotional veil, but underneath all that melodrama are very real, very tender emotions. By regularly checking in with how I’m feeling (see no.1) and what I need (more time alone, more fresh air, a call with a friend, an afternoon to play), I (usually) manage to write my way through the crazies and find some (self) support.

4. For many of us it can be hard to do something as seemingly ‘selfish’ as writing in a journal – do it anyway. Let it rip. Indulge yourself. Be honest. No one else is reading. 

These are just a few ideas to get you started if you yearn for more connection with the gorgeous fabulous being that is YOU. Treat yourself to a new journal — lined or unlined, whichever you prefer — find a quiet hour when you won’t be interrupted and just see what happens. Use coloured pens and doodle in the margins. Write yourself a love letter. Craft lists and manifestos. Be open to surprising yourself!

Susannah Conway is a photographer, writer and e-course creator. A Polaroid addict and very proud aunt, her first book, This I Know: Notes on Unraveling the Heart (Globe Pequot Press), launches in June 2012. She’s also co-authored another book, Instant Love: How to Make Magic and Memories with Polaroids (Chronicle Books), coming out in spring 2012. You can read more about her shenanigans on her blog at SusannahConway.com and connect with her on Twitter. 

It is possible to love yourself so much that you become unwilling to do anything that dulls your dreams.

It is possible to not just listen to your heart, but make it your boss - in every aspect of your life.

It is possible to take your dreams so seriously that they become your #1 priorities.

It is possible to take everything that doesn't make you happy and remove it from your world.

It is possible to support yourself doing only the things you love most.

It is possible to wake up and bounce out of bed, excited about this amazing day, every day. What makes all of this possible?

Radical. Self. Love.

Self Love becomes Radical when you put it into action and live like it's true.

But. Be honest.

Does this sound selfish to you? Or far-fetched and impossible? Or maybe you think others can have these things, but not you?

I've tried to write this post so many times. I keep deleting and re-writing and it is becoming clearer and clearer to me, as I try to write about radical self love, that the most useful thing to write about is what gets in the way of Radical Self Love.

What makes it seem selfish? Or impossible?

Inner critics, small scared selves and various monsters, goblins and gremlins.

Inside of you you know that everything I wrote above is possible. Deep in your heart you know that you are here to do amazing things. You know that you sparkle and shine in a way that no one else can. Those dreams that live in your heart? They are needed out in the world and you know that you have the power to bring them to life.

But.

But. All that stuff gets in the way. Feeling like it's selfish to put yourself first. Being afraid that it's all impossible anyway. Having very real obligations and people and things to take care of.

Somewhere along the way it became considered natural to put ourselves, and especially our hearts and dreams, last. Somewhere along the way it became considered natural to treat others with love and weird to treat ourselves with love.

This is not natural.

This is very far from natural.

It's also not wise, fun or sustainable in the long run. But because it's considered natural and normal and because there is so much, inside and outside of you, that holds these patterns in place you can't just all of a sudden, with the magic of Radical Self Love, break free.

What you can do is start where you are. Bring as much Radical Self Love as you can into your day, starting right now.

And what you can do is work on the parts that you can work on: Inner critics, small scared selves and various monsters, goblins and gremlins. These things live inside of you and it's not nearly as hard as you think to be the boss of them. To get them to settle down, play nice and even become your allies in bringing your dreams to life.

With that part done, dealing with the other stuff that's in the way gets a lot easier. Locked doors swing open, secret shortcuts are revealed and your dreams are suddenly nowhere near as far away as they seemed.  

I've got a kit that helps you harness the infinite power of your creativity and imagination to transform your inner critics, goblins and gremlins into powerful inner allies and in honour of 14 Days of Self-Love - I am giving one away! Right here, right now.

Leave a comment below saying what you could do, if you had Wise Inner Allies instead of annoying Inner Critics.

On Monday Viv and I will select a winner and you'll get a free Transform Your Inner Critic Kit.

xo Andrea

Dream Incubator & Creativity Muse Andrea Schroeder has mastered the art of wish-fulfillment — and she’s doling out magic lessons (and dream journal guides, and supercharged meditations, and inspiring courses and DIY kits) at her virtual retreat center: the Creative Magic Academy.

Welcome to the 14 Days of Self-Love Project!

Throughout the next two weeks, you'll find a daily post here from some fabulous folks, sharing some thoughts and images on self-love, self-care, finding peace with our bodies, self-portraiture, and radical self acceptance.

If you'd like to be sure to catch each days post, there are a few ways you can do that.  I'll be adding a link each day via my facebook page.  I'll also be sharing the links to the post on Twitter so if you are following me, you'll get notifications there.  I will be using the hashtag #14daysofselflove so you can search that to find all the posts related to the project!

One other way to check out the 14 Days, is to come back to this post.  As each post goes up, I'll be adding it to the list below.

We're going to get started today with a fabulous post from holistic health coach Valerie Tookes.

During the coming days you'll be hearing from writer and photographer Darlene Kruetzer, photographer and author Susannah Conway, photographer and artist Susan Tuttle, the ever inspiring and creative Andrea Scroeder, the oh so fabulous Deb Taylor, the Polaroid Goddess Kristin Perman, the magical photographer Madelyn Mulvaney, the 'Live it to the Full' rockstar Amy Blum, the oh so inspiring writer Amy Palko, the jewelry maker and super lovely Stacy De La Rosa, the author, photographer and retreat leader Liz Lamoreux and you'll also hear from me!

I hope you enjoy the 14 Days and if you share self-love inspiration on your website or blog as we're heading towards Valentines day, leave a link in the comments so we can spread the love!

xo

vivienne 

Day 1: Valerie Tookes shares a 21 Day Self-Love Cleanse with us!

Day 2: Andrea Schroeder shares ideas on Radical Self-Love and there is a giveaway in today's post!

Day 3: Susannah Conway shares thoughts on how to fall in love with yourself!

Day 4: Darlene Kreutzer shares a super inspiring photo essay about ways she takes time for herself!

Day 5: Deb Taylor shares a gorgeous poem and image about having a love affair with yourself!

Day 6: Kristen Perman shares a photo and story about how sitting by the sea is a big part of her self-care.

Day 7: Susan Tuttle shares some wonderful strategies for integrating self-care into your daily life.

Day 8: Amy Blum shares her thoughts on the self-love of saying NO!

Day 9: Stacy de la Rosa shares a powerful story of having a ceremony of commitment to her self.