I was having a rough day.  Winter was weighing on me and I was beyond sleep-deprived.  But I had to get out of the house, so I headed over to the one block long main drag of my neighbourhood.  The thrift store and veggie market were visited.  In the stationary store I was floored to see a display of Sabrina Ward Harrison’s new products with Papaya.  I’d drooled over them online, but never expected to stuble across them in person.  Gorgeous art journals and two different sizes of wall canvases.  At the exact moment that this caught my eye, the Weepies came on the store stereo.  It was one of those moments that just seemed rather perfect. 

I knew I’d treat myself to one of the art journals.  They were so beautiful, two of them drawing me most because of their luscious Sabrina-style art.  Their messages “make believe” and “choose your own adventure” called to the kid in me but I kept on returning to another journal much less fancy carrying a message “its all secretly perfect”.  I’m all about choosing my own adventure and make believe, but those other four words spoke to me in a way I really need right here and now.  So it came home with me. 

The pages are gorgeous thick and ready to make art on, which is what this has become.  I have a separate book for writing (a gorgeous new one handmade by a talented friend just came in the mail, but that’s a post of its own right).

A short while after that moment in the store, I came across a twitter post about a Sabrina Ward Harrison retreat in Seattle.  I hadn’t signed up for any other art retreats for this year, partially because I want to stay nearer to home and lil’ ladybug but also because traveling across the country to art retreats can get pricey and I need to work to build up my “adventure fund”. 

This retreat had it all though.  Its near to home and is taught by one of my favourite artists.  Within five minutes of reading about it I had registered and quickly sent off an email to my art-retreat co-adventurer Valerie who was also jumped right into going to this retreat.  Its gotten even better since, as I found out a friend I met at Squam, Elizabeth, will be there too.

Trusting that its all secretly perfect is kind of hard to do.  I’ve seen proof though, so I’m ready to believe.  I’ve seen one of the hardest times in my life (going through a depression) transform itself into the most incredible gift of discovering a creative medium I love.  I’ve come to live a life that I really truly do love.   I just need to trust that those pieces that haven’t fallen into place (and sometimes feel like they never will) will happen.  I need to trust that space and the passage of time are not stagnancy, but are laying groundwork.  I need to look a little deeper at what already are shiny bits of a true life. 

I can't help but think that weepies/swh moment and then the discovery of the retreat are some of those already perfect moments, waiting to be noticed.

~the lightness of spring

~grateful to have spent the weekend adventuring in vancity with my mom

~excited for this months trip to seattle to celebrate a beautiful mom-to-be

~constantly tired.  thats just the reality of a night-shift post-partum doula

~sore. good sore. from running and biking

~hopeful that what my journal says is true

so as i watched this video that i came across on jen gray's site, the narrator started to be more and more familiar to me and i realized i'd met catrina.  i found her to be such a vibrant person and was really moved by learning her story today.

i very much encourage you to watch the video, which is entered into the 2010 Neuro Film Festival and to vote for her here if you feel so inclined!  

Everything is Waiting for You

Your great mistake is to act the drama
as if you were alone. As if life
were a progressive and cunning crime
with no witness to the tiny hidden
transgressions. To feel abandoned is to deny
the intimacy of your surroundings. Surely,
even you, at times, have felt the grand array;
the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding
out your solo voice You must note
the way the soap dish enables you,
or the window latch grants you freedom.
Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
The stairs are your mentor of things
to come, the doors have always been there
to frighten you and invite you,
and the tiny speaker in the phone
is your dream-ladder to divinity.

Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into
the conversation. The kettle is singing
even as it pours you a drink, the cooking pots
have left their arrogant aloofness and
seen the good in you at last. All the birds
and creatures of the world are unutterably
themselves. Everything is waiting for you.

By David Whyte 

so friday when my brother arrived, we were one happy clan.  being on the coast the next day, exploring portland the next few days, amusing arlo, taking turns making yummy meals together and squishing all of us onto the couches for a lil' olympic watching was all truly awesome.  

trip highlights:

-the train. despite it being really delayed both ways, i love those hours that i just get to sit and watch washington go by

-stopping for one night in tacoma to see the lovely Liz.  i always leave her company feeling really inspired

-the cutest nephew ever.  reading books, singing songs, smiling with him.  he's amazing.

-walking in mount tabor park

-sibling-time, showing iain some of our fave spots in town

-taking the p-rents to por que no, my fave restaurant in pdx

-bi-partisan cafe with my dad (i love our mutual appreciation for a good coffee shop)

-a few solo hours photo-taking and wandering alberta st

-a delicious meal (mexican food i will never get sick of you) with friends in their new home

-brunching with elizabeth!!!  really lovely conversations and plus i got to meet that handsome puppy of hers!

-spring in february at the coast

-going through my sisters boxes of clothes that my sister was into lending to me.  coming home with a few new-to-me pieces made this year-without-new-clothes girl very happy

and what makes me extra happy is that i get a few more days with my fabulous mom next week as she stops over here on her way back home!

the show was downright lovely.  

it was held in my friends living space which we turned into a gallery of sorts.  a great vibe with treats galore and really beautiful sunlight coming in through the windows.  

friends flowed in and out through the afternoon and a few sweet strangers pulled in by our awesome poster and sign.  

the highlight of the day for me was when the very lovely Suvarna came by.  i feel so lucky to have met her this year.  having one person from my creative community there really made me feel the supported.  and it made me feel as though those of you who i know would have been there if only we lived within the same city were there in spirit (and i hope you know how much i wish i could be at your events/shows/retreats...every single one of them).

i'm in pdx now and were you aware that its spring here? every day has been wide blue skies and its no secret that such skies are a soothing balm to my winter weary heart.  this trip has been oh so lovely, hanging with the fam and singing songs to my nephew (aka the epitome of cuteness).  my brother comes into town today and we'll all be together for the first time in a year and a half.

good times, i tell you, good times.

p.s.  when i went to edit this post i realized that i wrote the word lovely 8 times in a 3 paragraph post! i know...i'm a bit excessive with it always.  but sometimes there is just no other word quite like it.

Saturday i fell in love

with my sx-70.

One of the many reasons why i'm sure i'll be passionate about photography for the rest of my life is that with each new camera, each new film, there is a period of discovery where you're a beginner again learning a new tool. I love that.

I've had my lovely sx-70 for years, during which it sat on a shelf with the rest of my vintage cameras.  Recently some lovely local friends and i put in an order with polapremium and some incredible film travelled halfway across the world and into our hands.

The film in these photos above is called TZ Artistic and it has that gorgeous vintage quality!

Finally that poor lil' camera got taken off the shelf and put to use.  Honestly, i wasn't too sure if it actually would work, but thankfully its all good to go.  It has so much charm, folds up and fits in a lovley case.  Though the thing i love most about that camera is that you can create depth of field with it, some parts being beautifully in focus, others looking almost painterly. 

Lots more shots from the beach session with be appearing here (and on my flickr page) soon, but i'm saving a few of my favourites for those who are able to come out to my show this weekend to see first!

The show, called "Mapping the Heart:  A Valentine to the City" showcases myself and 3 other artists:  Ada Dragomir, Charlotte Hewson and Zinnia Clark.  It is being held at 1629 E. Georgia in East Vancouver from 12-5 on Sunday February 14.  If you're local, I'd love it if you'd come say hi!  Much like our last show in November, there will be ever-flowing tea and fresh baked gluten-free cookies along with a really welcoming and loving vibe! 

Its been an interesting last month as I've been sorting through ideas of what to do for the show.  Notebooks with jotted shapes and words, canvases being painted, art books from the library with techniques to try.  I've loved dabbling in all sorts of techniques, making a beautiful mess.  What has ended up being the focus though is the creative tool most present in my life these days, the polaroid.  I'm mounting pieces on wood bases and I've gotta confess, they look really lovely.  I'm also working on a mixed-media book which is a sort of awkard valentine exploring my relationship to the city.

If you're not local, do expect to see lots of these images in my shop soon, both as prints and with the option of having them mounted on wood!

sx-70 camera, tz artistic film

i find there's such a thin line

between taking lots of time for myself and feeling isolated.

i love, crave and need to have a large degree of solo time in my days

but if i don't reach out enough i find myself slipping into feeling really lonely.

i crossed the line this week.  battled with loneliness, attempted to befriend it.

i took loneliness out for coffee, a photo walk and tried to convince it to leave me be.

it did nothing but curse me out and tell me how much it didn't love me.

thankfully,

i woke up this morning and all of a sudden it was like summer outside.  the widest blue skies.

vancouver mascarading as california for a day.

two friend-dates later i am energized in the way that only connectedness creates.

hoping that i can remember to stay on the heart-filled side of that thin line. 

to keep reaching out alongside the path of reaching inwards.